people always leave

2010-05-16T08:02:00.000-07:00

Magkekwento ako tungkol kay RG. Hehe.

RG stands for ROTCU Guy. ROTCU ay pangalan ng isang department sa HSBC, kung saan ako nagwowork ngayon. Pero, si RG ay hindi taga-ROTCU; ito ay isang diversionary tactic. Wahaha!

Si RG ay team mate ko. Hindi kami close; sa team kasi ay may cliques, guys versus girls. Magkahiwalay din ng pwesto, dun kami sa isang "circle", sila sa katapat namin. So meron kaming mga sariling mundo.

Everyday, before shift, kelangan naming mag-time in online, ala bundy clock. Shempre yun lang merong mga nakabukas na PC ang pwedeng maka-time in, so minsan pag male-late ka na, at nagbubukas ka pa lang ng PC mo, pwede ka maki-log in sa iba.

One day, malelate na si RG, at lumapit sa station ko para mag-time in.

Sabi ko,"Anung staff number mo?"

Sinabi naman niya. Tinatype ko na yung staff number niya sa username slot nang nagsalita sha uli...

"Password, ilovekamille."

Natahimik ako. Hahaha! Ako pa naman, ambilis ko lagi humirit pag inaaway ng mga kabarkada niya (na team mates ko rin) ang mga friends ko. Pero nung sinabi niya yun, medyo nag-lag ang utak ko. System not responding! Panic mode.

Napalingon yung friend ko. Narinig din niya.

Shet, kelangan mag-isip ng mabilis...

"Baka di gumana yan ah..." sabi ko.

Ito pa. Haha. Generic ang password for everyone. Ang password ay "password". Pag ni-la-log in mo ang ibang tao, staff number lang ang ibibigay nila. Generic nga kasi ang password.

Simula nun, superbothered na ako. Ito talaga ang simula ng lahat ng paghihirap ko. Di ko nga sha pinapansin, di naman kami close. Isa pa, medyo tahimik yun at hindi yung tipong magjojoke ng ganun ng bigla. So nagulat ako. Kaso, haha, yung meaningless joke niya, affected ako.

Naiinis nga ako. Hindi ko naman sha gusto. Hindi sha gwapo, masipag, matalino... anu pa ba? Haha. Pero hindi ko maintindihan, simula noon ay super bothered na ako. Literal na nanginginig yung kamay ko habang hawak ang mouse habang ni-la-log in ko sha... gaya kanina. At ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko. Dug-dug. Dug-dug. Hahaha!!!

Arrggghhh kakainis. nakakadire ako! Mabuti nga at medyo nakokontrol ko na to ng konti. Dati hindi ko sha matingnan sa mata pag kinakausap niya ako... Haha! Parang teenager lang eh.

Anyway. Fast facts about him:

He likes spongebob.
He's a drummer.
He's an eheads and urbandub fan (like me!)
He's a pushover! (lagi sha pinagtritripan ng barkada niya. di naman sha lumalaban. pero biruan lang naman daw yun...)
He was born in October. 1986. Ako rin. October. 1986.
He loves anime.

Ayun lang. Kawawa naman ako. Of all people, why him? Well, mabait naman sha, minsan parang concerned (as a team mate. duh?). Isang beses, nung umiyak ako, at walang kumakausap sakin dahil mainit ang ulo ko, tinawag niya ako.

Sabi niya, "kamille... kamille..."

Sabi ko, "yes?"

"Ok ka lang?"

"Ok lang. Thank you..."

Sabi ni jen, friend ko, gusto na daw niya ako kausapin nung una pa lang kaso lang may call daw ako. for the record though, hindi sha ang nagpaiyak sakin. haha.

Pagkatapos tuloy nun, after kong sumimangot at mag-calls ng sobrang hina (as in bumubulong na sa mic hahaha kasi nga, nahihiya ako at umiyak ako at nakita nila), napangiti ako.

Tumawa na lang si jen. Gets niya. Haha.

Marami pang RG moments pero mashadong mahaba pag ikwekwento ko... Pero wala talaga. Hahaha. I think one-sided lang ang thing na ito :(

Anyway. Isang buwan pa lang naman ang nakakaraan, so... may pag-asa pang mawala ito. Be gone! Disappear!

Pa-asa effect or wala talagang pag-asa? Hahaha!

2010-03-07T10:46:00.000-08:00

Kanina rin ay nagrun kami sa Amazing Kidney Run sa peyups. Kasama si AD, chard, rian, jay, noel at toy. Ang masasabi ko lang - aaaarrrgggggh. Ang masasabi ko sa run ko - ok lang.

Tinawag ko si chard kanina, nung naglalakad kami papuntang tambio. Nandun ata kami sa may gitna ng AS at FC. May itatanong ata ako, di ko na matandaan. Ang natatandaan ko, tinawag ko si chard at lumingon sha, at di niya ko pinansin dahil busy sha kausap si AD. In chard's defense, (not that he has to have one, i don't have the right to ask him that), pinaramdam naman niya na "wait, saglit lang, nag-uusap pa kami ni AD." So I thought, pagkatapos nang pinag-uusapan nila, babalikan niya ako para tanungin yung sinasabi ko earlier. Which, by the way, didn't happen.

And parang hindi ako masaya nung nakita ko sila. Weird. Or not weird. I mean, I know I'm probably asking a lot, but hey, friends naman kami di ba? Okay fine. I join the races not just because I want to lose weight (which I do, sana pumayat na ako!), but because I want to spend time with them. Even if it means just an hour or so before and after the race. But apparently, they'd prefer to spend time with each other.

At nag-away kami ni noel. Or one-sided away. I know it is allllllll my fault, pinalo ko sha, nasaktan sha, kaya pinalo din niya ako sa braso. Pero still! I know I'm asking too much, ang kapal kapal ng mukha ko, I know that, pero he's a guy! And kahit ganito ako, I'm still a girl. He shouldn't be hurting me. Kahit pa sobrang lagi ko shang pinapalo. There's a big difference in strength. Ang sakit talaga nung suntok niya! Tumagal hanggang sa LRT. So ayun, there was no speaking until bumaba kami sa Katipunan.

And for the record, I know I'm violent (mahilig mamalo), but I don't do that out of rage or any dark emotion for that matter. I do it as part of making lambing! I don't do that to anyone, dun lang sa mga kaclose ko. Sure, I get carried away sometimes pero does he have to hit me? Alam ko, ako ang nauna at lagi ko shang pinapalo, pero wala lang. I feel hurt, not just physically, but emotionally. The fact na he can do that to me, suggests he can probably do worse.

Hay nako! Lecheng period to. Bad mood kasi ako, pinansin nga ni toy na ang sungit sungit ko. Kumusta naman ang emotions natin. Naiiyak ako, masayang masaya, naiinis, nalulungkot... Hay.

And before I forget. It is AD's birthday today. I texted him already. Feeling ko, kung manlilibre sha for his birthday, I'm not included. Or wasn't included. Oh well. Who am I to expect anything?

Aaaaarrrgggghhh. I am pissed off, and sad at the same time. When is this loneliness going to end? When is my prince charming coming to save me? Oh wait. This is real life. There is no prince charming.

P.S.
Nilibing na si Tito Boy kanina. Rest in peace, Tito Boy. Sana po Lord, tulungan nio ang naiwan niyang pamilya, si Tita Loi at kanyang mga anak. Help them get past this. :(

2010-03-02T14:14:00.001-08:00

hi. i'm alive! hahaha! oh well. wala lang...

ten million years na ang nakalipas mula nang huli akong nagblog dito. at ang masasabi ko lang... nalulungkot ako! hindi yung lungkot na naiiyak, it's not sadness, it's loneliness. a longing for someone... not someone specific. hindi si AD! oo, totoong nakamove-on na ako, pero hindi nung January 2008. Asa pa! Hahahaha! But mid-2009. Nung nagka-crush ako sa office, hihihi! Landi. :) Anyway... that's not my point. I mean, it feels wonderful to be free from all the drama and heartaches but i miss the feeling of being in love. ching!

at haha, kumusta naman ang mga posts ko tungkol kay noel. hahaha! KADORS! confused lang ata ang lola nio nung mga panahong iyon, hahaha, panakip-butas kay lecheng pawsto. pero don't get me wrong. mahal ko talaga yang si noel. hindi lang romantic. kadiri! hahaha. pero pwede nang harass-harassin pag stressed ako. hahaha :)

ok so i promise i-uupdate ko na to, nainggit ako dahil nadiscover ko ang "secret" blog ni noel. wahahaha! at hindi ko pa sinasabi sa kanyang alam ko na. malay ko, mag-update bigla. harharhar!

si aris... hay naku. ngayon lang nagparamdam! baby steps, baby steps. basta sa birthday ko this year dapat pumunta sha or else... FO!

usapang boylets ko ata to. haha. anyway. next time na lang. may pasok pa ko mamaya. marami akong ikekwento next time.

xoxo, gossip girl. chikagirl. chorbahgirl!

2008-02-16T18:22:00.000-08:00

you are the most exhausting thing that has ever happened to me. it's difficult to be with you, and to understand everything, even though i try to. and i try so hard that i feel so frustrated at myself for not being able to do something about it.

you are exhausting. everyday with and without you is exhausting. with all those adolescent wars you've been waging everytime when we're together-- and you admit you enjoy every minute of it. and how you seem to have the attention span of a five-year old kid.

but even without your annoying face in front of me you still manage to drive me into my little miseries--crying because i'm tired of thinking about you and the complexities that simple happy-go-lucky you can amazingly bring.

but maybe i need to be exhausted. to bicker until we're too tired to talk, and i just end up resting my head on your shoulder. to wrinkle that forehead trying to remember that certain word until we just end up changing the topic since we're too tired to think. i need this weird kind of connection we have, which cannot be bonded within ordinary friendship circumstances. this, which makes us think of phrases that don't make any sense. (yes, that includes you calling me echosera.)

i'm writing about it, because again you manage to inspire me with your kind cruelty. you're my energizer bunny--you keep going, and going, and going...

you never stop. and i don't want you to.

i need to be exhausted. so please, my little devil, just stay. :)

2008-02-03T02:16:00.000-08:00

tinapos ko na rin ang 2-week hiatus ko sa pagtetext. naimbyerna kasi ako sa isa kong teammate na bading, na dahil hindi nia matanggap na mali sha at hindi rin nia matanggap na manggaling sakin yung correction (you see, he thinks highly of himself so he won't accept he's wrong and i'm right.)

anyways, dahil naiimbyerna na ko tinext ko si pinakapanget. gamit ang extra sim ng kapatid ko. sabi ko, panu mo nalamang si miss tee to eh di ko naman pala nasabi sa text ko kung sino ako. sabi ba naman, "the way you texted. like a slut!" pucha ang kapal talaga ng lolo mo! slut pala ang pang-asar nia sakin nung nagkaroon ako ng tsismis sa office na napatunayan nilang mali pagresign nung tunay na slut. hehe.

kahapon pala eh first time kong magsuka nang dahil sa alcohol. inubos ko kasi ung pina colada nung bday gathering ng team mate / friend ko. grabe ang vomit flow, anlakas! haha. parang gripo. pero composed pa rin naman ako, haha. mabuti na lang at hindi ko nareveal ang aking secret crush sa hsbc. hehe.

kumusta naman ang secret crush ko. mukhang hindi na sha magiging secret! naiilang na kasi ako minsan sa kanya. kumusta naman, shempre mahahalata na ko nun noh. at magkaiba ang aming mundo. alam mo na, rich kid, me tsikot, in love sa tsikot nia, at may girlaloo na. ayun. ayun lang. ayoko na! waah!

pucha the curse of the love month na naman. narealize ko i'm over ad, and i don't really like pinakapanget (though i love him, as a friend hehe), and that napapanaginipan ko si *toot*. at tinetext ako nitong high school classmate ko ng mga "hi!" "tulog na po u?" "kumain na u?" "ingat" "gudnyt" at marami pang text na ilang beses pang sinesend. i mean, "TULOG NA PO U?" anu ba naman yan? ang conio mo noh. and i have a funny feeling na tinetext din nia ang half of the girl population ng batch. buti na lang wala akong load. hehe.

ayun lang. saka na uli ang chismax. byers!

2008-01-26T12:25:00.000-08:00

i can finally say that i am completely over AD. tapos na talaga. and it's about time. i've nursed this unrequited love for a loooong time. :D

now about noel. i don't like you like you. haha! as in eeww, kadors. at galit pala ako recently sa kanya. leche sha. haha!

and for those people who didn't know, i've been working for HSBC for nearly seven months now. hindi ako nag-enrol nung june last year, and i kept it a secret until recently. it was easy as i just lost my cellphone so people were finding it hard to contact me. i guess i was just afraid that people would judge me on the decisions i've done. why i didn't go back to school. why i didn't tell them. those were difficult times, believe me. especially when most of your friends are already in med school, studying to be a doctor. ayun.

i have a friend who's been like an emotional vampire recently. i love her, i really do, but i just can't take it anymore. and i don't want to talk about that stupid guy over and over again. i just need some time, at kelangan mo rin niyan, isipin mo, hindi sha worth it, ok? so move on girl! friend pa rin kita, pero sana maintindihan mo that i'm finding it hard to talk to you these past days. sorry.

lastly. may crush akong officemate to the point na naiisip ko sha palagi at naiilang ako pag nakikita sha. haha! actually crush ko na sha dati pero nawala. tas ayun biglang bumalik. bakit kaya? nasa 4th floor pa naman kami recently ngayon. wahahaha!

iuupdate ko na po ito palagi. i promise. hehe. at di ako magsisinungaling dito. and i'll try to make my posts as un-vague as possible. hehe.

2007-12-27T11:44:00.000-08:00

umiyak ako kagabi. narealize ko kasi na may kanya-kanya kaming buhay ni noel. hindi kami. mashado lang kaming close, magbestfriend. na may sari-sarili kaming lovelife, o chorvah. na kahit mahal ko sha at mahal daw nia ko eh hanggang dun na lang. mahal nia ko. hindi romantically.

hindi ko naman sinasabing gusto kong maging kami. ang weird kaya nun. ewan ko. parang hindi appropriate. parang... incest. hehe. pero kasi, minsan, sa kalungkutan ko, at sa kabaitan nia, naka-cloud ang vision ko. minsan, parang gusto ko na sha. kaya ayan, minsan, sobrang naguguluhan talaga ako.

mahal ko talaga sha, weird, pero yung tipong mahal ko sha more than being in love. hindi yung tipong romantic na may kasamang kung anu anong echos eh. mahal ko talaga sha, that's it. minsan nga lang, nalalabuan ako sa sarili ko. ewan, siguro gusto ko lang shang protektahan sa mga pwedeng mangyari sa kanya ngayon, sa mga gulong pwede niang pasukin in the outside world.

andami kong excuses. ewan, pero walang kilig factor kay noel. ang alam ko lang, masaya ako pag kasama sha. di ko kelangan magpacute kahit lagi niyang sinasabi na hindi ako maganda. leche sha! haha. ewan. time will tell.

pero sana Lord, dinggin mo yung prayers ko about him. kahit pasaway po ako. alam mo na po yun Lord. kahit kapalit eh hindi ko pa makita ang the one ko. basta bantayan nio lang po sha.

hay noel. mahal kita, at gusto kitang maging masaya, kaya kahit mahirap, go lang, dito lang ako palagi to support you. labshu pangs. :D

2007-12-16T00:18:00.000-08:00

bwiset na noel yan, isang buong linggo akong hindi tinetext. nagkaroon tuloy ako ng urge na gumawa ng bagong blog. yung tipong hindi alam ng maraming tao. kasi naman, kung sino sino na ang friends ko sa multiply at friendster. hehe. at ayun nga. wala lang...

anyway, inabot ako ng siyam siyam pag-aayos lang ng lay-out ng blog ko. at hindi pa ko nanananghalian nitan, alas kwatro na ng hapon. hehe.

tinatamad na ko ngayon magpost ng entry kung kelan tapos na ang lay-out ng blog ko. lecheng noel kasi yan ngayon pa naisip magtext. at tinanggal pa ng globe ang unli. hehe.

next time uli. ciao!~